Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
