I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My life is pants optional.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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