Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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