after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
