We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
