I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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