i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
