Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Couch. On fire.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
