Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
