therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
