my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
