forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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