So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
