we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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