Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's rum buckets o'clock
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
