she looked like the before picture.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize