I will die if light touches me.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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