when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
