i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
