I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
where are my eyebrows?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
