i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
