I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
