And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
