i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
