I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
