2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
did you just send me my own nude
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
