the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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