I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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