Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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