I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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