Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
