his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
