Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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