Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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