im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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