I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
no you cant smoke seaweed
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Randomize
