i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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