I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
