Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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