I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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