Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
