I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Found your dick twin last night
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
