End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
