just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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