she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
