Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
