Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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