sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
