my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
