just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
