sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
