I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
