i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
