I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
