He uses pillows to masturbate.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I love having hate sex.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
