Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
this just has baby written all over it
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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