I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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