matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
