i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
