I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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