A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
