I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
