You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
