You can't special order awesome
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
