how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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