He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize