dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
