She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
