I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
it's like heaven, but drunker
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
