I accidentally had phone sex last night
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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