I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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