He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
