You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
