If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
