I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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