summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
