im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
