I wanna bring you to show and tell
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
