Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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