it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
