I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
