I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
