my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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