Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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