you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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