she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Your cock deserves a montage
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
