So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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