She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
