Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
