Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
