Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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