I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
