so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
