Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
