So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
