Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
