whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
