I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
