i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just high enough for therapy.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
