we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
