Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
