he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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