That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
