I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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