Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
