Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
