we made out on top of his cat.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize