YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
