Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
