Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
