3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
