it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
