He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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