If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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