I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
