Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
