I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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