You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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